One of the most profoundly liberating realizations is that we have no secrets. Every untruth and limiting belief that we hold is embodied in us and revealed to everyone we meet. What we try to hide is observable in our posture, the tension and relaxation of our muscles, our tone and volume and pace of our speaking, our choice of words, the degree of openness of our eyelids, our skin tone, where we focus our eyes, our degree of coordination, our activity level, the clothing we wear, and many more traits.
Very few people consciously understand what these outward manifestations mean, but EVERYONE understands them unconsciously and immediately. We are an open book whose entire story is read by the unconscious of others in a single glance.
Have you ever been attracted to someone from across the room? Your eyes meet and suddenly, you just KNOW that you have a connection. It’s love at first sight! You’ve just unconsciously read the book of that person and immediately understand that there is passion between you. This passion comes from the blending of your emotional wounds (traumas). You’ve just met someone who is uniquely qualified to bring your issues out of “hiding” and into consciousness so that you can heal them (this is the source of many arguments after the honeymoon phase ends, lol!).
And you understood that connection with a single glance…
Your unconscious mind processes about 2 million bits of information per second, yet you are consciously aware of only about 126 bits per second. How you feel about yourself, especially the beliefs that you formulated in childhood, determine which 126 bits you notice. Consequently, you may instinctively like or dislike someone, yet be unable to explain why. The ability of everyone to unconsciously read everyone else also explains why some people continually feel taken advantage of, how bullies find their victims, and why some people have “all the luck”. We evaluate each person that we meet to determine if we can engage in a dynamic with them. The dynamic around the bully and the bullied is one example; these two kinds of people will inevitably be attracted to each other.
Think of a trauma that you have experienced, big or small. The event left an imprint within your physical and emotional body specific to the key details of that episode. If the trauma involved abuse from another person, the quality of the energy of that person will be locked into your imprint of the event. You can think of this imprint like a puzzle piece with edges unique to each important aspect of the trauma.
When you encounter someone, your unconsciousness instantly scans for a match to your puzzle piece, someone who holds the OTHER side of your trauma dynamic so that the edges of their trauma puzzle piece fit with yours. If there is a match, then there will be an attraction. It’s that simple. The more closely all of your trauma puzzle pieces match up with theirs, the more intense the attraction.
You may be wondering… “If love is so desirable and feels so good, why are we “programmed” to find someone who will re-play with us our most frightening events?” The beauty of love is that it opens us and we choose to become vulnerable. We trust our partner enough to allow ourselves to reveal our “secrets”. As the honeymoon phase ends, we feel triggered and reactive around our partner and the arguments, anger and tears increase. In conscious love, we hold each other at these times and allow the tears to flow, releasing the buried trauma energy, growing closer and deepening our ability to love. In unconscious love, we react through blame, judgment, distraction, and projection.
The most beautiful and perfect part of the love dynamic is that when one person heals in the arms of their partner, the other person can heal their trauma piece at the same time.
This is how attraction works. Unconsciously, at least, everyone knows all of the most important information about everyone else.
So stop trying to hide. Be honest and real. Because… we already know.